Lay Still


lay still, no, stiller

the green lake says to the lily pads

flowering white


This poem was written in response to Carpe Diem Tokubetsudesu #47 flowers, another great prompt hosted by Chèvrefeuille at Carpe Diem Haiku Kai. All of the poems in the link-up can be read here. Today was officially the first day of summer in the Blake household because it was the first day that I’ve felt an overwhelming need to listen to Forever Changes by Love –

12 thoughts on “Lay Still

  1. Gorgeous! And I especially love the first line. It definitely breaks tradition but the emphasis adds sensuality to the piece.

    Happy summer!

    • Thanks, Jen! The weather has been gloomy this week, so I haven’t bothered with lunch at the lake. Then today, gorgeous sunshine, and in my absence, all the lily pads started flowering. Very soothing and sensual, watching them on the water 🙂

    • I’m fairly sure that when I started to learn about haiku last year I read a ‘rule’ about avoiding anything anthropomorphic. But you have to allow for an exception now and then, right? Even with rules that you broadly agree with 🙂

      • Learning haiku I’ve seen rules presented and rules broken … some people are more rigid following those rules and some throw them out without thinking a thing about it … sometimes they break the rule and call their haiku – senryu … now if we were Japanese, we’d follow a school of thought, either “classical” or maybe we’d follow Shiki and write only about nature or we’d follow the guy who writes “free verse” haiku (I can’t remember his name right now) … as Westerners we can choose to write Kerouac style or Ginsberg style .. follow Reichhold’s lead or invent our own style … the point is, when you’re learning about haiku, it’s good to follow the rules and to the letter until they’re part of you and then you write with them in mind breaking them when necessary for the good of the haiku. That’s what I think about it anyway 😉

      • This is pretty much exactly what I mentioned to Jen a few posts ago – that I’m happy to break most of the rules if I think the ‘breakage’ is effective, but I only wanted to do that after I thought I had at least a reasonable idea of what the rules were; without that bit of a foundation I’d just feel as though I was bumbling around blindly 🙂

      • Very wise … I think that’s how it works with most poetry anyway, from what I’ve seen of some of the classical poets, even sonnets have had their rules creased a bit.

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