the angles of snow
drift along the night time path –
fallen blossoms
###
This poem was written in response to Carpe Diem #725, white blossoms, another great prompt hosted by Chèvrefeuille at Carpe Diem Haiku Kai. All of the poems in the link-up can be read here. And, to finish, here’s Sam Cooke –
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Snow as blossoms, blossoms as snow—the path is covered and hard to discern…
A Few White Blossoms
True. A couple of nights I found myself doing a double-take: “Snow..? No, don’t be silly, it’s May!”
Ahhhhh! Great tune 🙂
*Feels* and *sounds* good when spoken aloud! A new layer with each reading too – especially your use of “fallen”. “Angles” gives it a bit of an edge (so to speak!) – is this word play (angle vs angel)? Very interesting!
I’m revelling in a Sam Cooke phase at the moment 🙂
Oh I’m pleased you said that – I realise now that for a while I’ve been aiming at getting lines not to be too plain but not too lyrical, either; instead to *feel* and *sound* good when spoken aloud. So, it’s nice to know that I got some syllables to behave as asked 😉 Thanks, Jen!
As for wordplay, etc, I tend to let anyone reading invent their own – far easier. It’s like when someone asked Ingrid Bergman for acting tips; she said, “Make a blank face and let the music tell the story for you.” I write with a blank face 🙂
You’re very welcome. 😀
When I write haiku I (usually) read each one aloud — to get a better feel for it. (Eyes will trick you!) Your haiku as well – because the way you craft each haiku is unique and you make your readers slow down a bit. They need to be digested – and that’s a very good thing 🙂
Really? That’s interesting. I never read aloud. I wonder if that’s how you’re able to introduce a chatty element into your haiku at times – when the lines read with the natural rhythms of speech..?
Then again, I don’t often read aloud the dialogue when I’m writing prose, either. The voice in my head seems more than loud enough, usually 😛
Voices in your head, huh? No comment!
[Just kidding!]
Yes, reading aloud is helpful – it helps me smooth out the rough edges. Less “literary” and more “natural”. Literary can be good – but too much chafes my muses 😉
Ah I remember years and years ago feeling distinctly miffed as I realised that for a whole lifetime I’d be stuck with this same voice in my head, day after day – that’ll soon get pretty tedious, I thought! Maybe that’s partly what writing was for – to try to let in other voices for a while.
Fallen angels and snowy blossoms, maybe?…
Very nice! … Best wishes. Aquileana ⭐