laying aside
zen, as he sees it stirring
in the boy’s crotch
###
This poem was written in response to Carpe Diem #721, priest and morning glory, another great prompt hosted by Chèvrefeuille at Carpe Diem Haiku Kai. All of the poems in the link-up can be read here. In his post, Chèvrefeuille explains that Basho was “interested in homosexuality.” And so, to finish, here’s Frankie Goes to Hollywood –
IN MEMORY EVERYTHING SEEMS TO HAPPEN TO MUSIC -Tennessee Williams
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Perfect response, Blake 🙂
And I like the way you’ve broken line two: “zen, as he sees it stirring”.
[applauding] 🙂
Really? I thought this might read as treating Basho a bit roughly, since it strips him of the euphemisms he was speaking in.
And I’m glad you like the line break, too. I seem to remember(?) Jane saying that having commas in a haiku meant that it wasn’t very well constructed, but I’ve been trying different breaks recently and… I like the effect sometimes 🙂
No, it wasn’t subtle – but the directness here was a change – a surprise. Made it refreshing. Every now and then it’s good just to “let ‘er rip” right? [Every now and then!]
Wouldn’t worry too much about whether having commas is “well-constructed” or not. It works very well with your evolving style. And hey – one could say Wright’s and Kerouac’s haiku weren’t “well constructed”.
I like what you’re doing 🙂
Well, Kerouac and Wright have that informal American ‘looseness’ in their tone – I hear the wind blowing over the wide prairies 🙂 Whereas my writing is European and quite formal, structure-wise.
But you’re right, it is an evolution for me – previously, having been told it should be a no-no I would prefer to steer clear, whereas now I’m happy to ride roughshod over the formalities if I see a reason for it. Here, I could have added “zen” to the first line, but nope 😉
Okay, the “wide prairies” comment made me laugh!!! But the comparison works. I’ll admit. 🙂
Ride on, Blake — ! You’re doing well 🙂