Scattered/Unseen

 

Scattered between clouds

A little shadow takes shape –

Gliding wings

 

….

 

Unseen wings –

The rain hisses differently

When they pass

 ###

These poems were written for Carpe Diem #591, Helpful (May 2014) reprise, another great prompt hosted by Chèvrefeuille at Carpe Diem Haiku Kai.  All of the poems in the link-up can be read here.

Advertisements

20 thoughts on “Scattered/Unseen

  1. Now *this* I really enjoyed, Blake — you’ve given us a seed of an image but we have to fill in the rest. For me, since it’s so close to Halloween, I’m seeing bats (and gargoyles)! BUT knowing the prompt that inspired it – it’s quite possible to have eagles or just about anything. The imagery and the feel of the haiku twist and turn a bit — ominous in that it’s a shadow; slightly comforting in that it’s little and it’s gliding — so there’s a lot to think about!

    🙂

    • Oh that’s nice to hear 🙂

      I think, because of all the new info I’m taking on board, I’m at a stage of second-guessing every line an awful lot (which hopefully wears off just a little…). So, the haiku you read was the second version I posted (the first version was too “abstract”).

      But then, after I went to bed, I thought version no.2 was a bit cluttered, so reworked it. I would have replaced no.2 but since you liked it, it can stay 😉 And I’ll simply add version no.3 alongside.

      • And well might you look sheepish, young lady! There may be a gutter splashing beneath our feet but some of us are still looking at the stars – not at the inside of dungeons, thank you very much! [looking righteous]

      • oh BROTHER!

        I seem to remember a certain righteous-looking poet splashing through the gutter recently – with a whiskey in hand – looking for sm*t … hmmmmmm?

        [Looking self-satisfied.]

        😉

      • SSSHHHHH!! This is a well-respected, white picket fence kind of blog and we don’t tolerate any of that kind of malarkey! Besides, there’s no proof – I had the car seats steam-cleaned and we came to an arrangement 😉

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s